today wasnt that bad..im on lock down..soo i gotta stay home..for the rest of the break..blEh! SUX ASS!!

well stayed home all day..woke up round 11..called up my homegrrl told her erythin that was wrong..wit me..bonded wit each other..how we got alot of the same problems..mAnn i was supose ta go kick it wit her today..but since im on lock down for that gayy ass shii last nite.. i cant..= (

hmM well wen my dad got home from work..we went in the car..i sat in the back seat..cuz i am sOoo FAWKIN mad at him..especially..cuz over sum gayy shii..like this..he wants ta go to court? WTH is that?? well..i sat in the back seat..i thot he was takin me to my moms work..soo i could help her..but he ended up takin me ta plaza bonita..in my dYAm pajamas..n asked me which place we went to go pierce my ears..fucken gayy man...cuz hes js takin this wayy to far..man i wished i sed..i did it myself..cuz this is really FAWKIN GAYY!! its js fucken pierced ears im not gona fucken die..

sOo we went ta the place where i got my ears pierced..soo he knew which place it was..n yah..went bak home..had time to myself like always..talkin ta no1..but havin thots in my head n talkin ta myself..as always..called up a few ppl ta talk to..n watched a movie..at home..by myself..daz bout it..

hMm today was a pretty good day..even tho i stayed home..cuz i dint get bitched at..yelled at..abused or nethin..all i had was time to myself like always..cuz since i dont talk ta ne one in my g'dyam house..js did whatever..well hopefully..we get this shii strait..n my parents dont take it tOo far..

heh..i thot today was gon b a good day..i guess not tho..i fucken got my ass kicked..its my fault tho..but the reason is fucken gay as hell!..i wana kill someone right now..i really do..

the day was almost done..i cant believe it still ended up the way it always is..

I GOT MY ASS KICKED!! WHAT THE FUCK!!??? my fuCKEN DAD BEAT ME! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! cuz im not allowed ta pierce my ears..but i did it ne way..cuz its against my MOMS religion..but not my dads..or his family...cuz all his family has pierced ears..so i went down stairs with my hair up..cuz my mom already saw a few times that i had pierced ears..n she asked me.." did u pierce ure ears?" n i sed "yeS" n all she sed..was.."ure stupid" n she asked me a few more times after that..n it seemed like she didnt care..so i dint care ne more..cuz HEY since she already knows..so i went down stairs wit my hair up..n she saw it agen..n she starts yellin at me..n it got my dads attention..my dad comes in.." whats wrong" my mom tells her erythin..then he starts bitchin at me..n starts hittin me..slappin me..throwing shii at me..doin all this shit..man WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS SHIT? JUS FUCKEN TELL ME THAT?! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING..yes PPL DO MAKE MISTAKES..soo LET ME MAKE MY G'dYAM MISTAKES SHIT! I AINT PERFECT..NO ONE IS..SO YOU DONT EXPECT ME TA MAKE MISTAKES??! WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?! FUCK YOU!! SHIT I FUCKEN HATE YOOU! YOU DONT KNO HOW MUCH I DO! FUCK! I SWEAR TO YOU I DONT DESERVE THIS..YES..I KNO ITS MY FUCKEN FAULT..BUT YOU DONT GOTTA FUCKEN ABUSE ME!! BLOWIN ALL THIS SHIT OUTTA PROPORTION! were takin this all ta fucken court..cuz my homegrrls moms the one who took me to go pierce my ears..n she signed these papers..pretendin that im her daughter..n i guess thas against the law..whatever..ITS ALL MY FUCKEN FAULT! js leave it at that..dont fucken get them into it..its my fault..im the one who did it..well mistakes are made..lessons are learned..soo lemme learn my fucken lesson..u js dont fucken gotta abuse me..shitt..I DINT DO NE THIN TO DESERVE THIS..

while he was hittin me..my mom was js standin there! STUPID BITCH!! do suin shit! sall your faulT! cuz he dont care dat i got my ears pierced! you dO! i HATE YOU! wenever u get fucken mad at me..you tell my dad..n I GET MY ASS KICKED..& YELLED AT! n u dont do shit! all u do is fucken stand there..YOU STUPID BITCH!! i FUCKEN HATE YOU! I WANA FUCKEN KILL YOU!! i HATE YOU!

_yesterday_

yah well yesterday..me & DANIELLE went took pix at plaza..hahaha DUDE! i havnt took pix at starshots in like a MILLION GAZILLION yearS! lol hahaha yah..dyAMM DANIELLE LOOK GOOOD IN THE PIX! ahahah i LOOK like shiT! lol sORRYy BOo i fucked up the pix! lol i look like im high! hahahaha my eyes are all cheenky n small..LOL ewwWww hahaha sORry boOo! haha

_today_

well im feelin wayyyy better bout myself!! thanx you guys for helpin me thru this real hard time..dat i couldnt get pass..THANKYOU SOO MUCH!! you dunno kno how much it really means to mE!!! I LOVE YOUU GUYS!!! MOOoOAaHhh MOoOooaaAaHhhh lol hahaha dude u do not know what the hell i was goin thru..& still u guys put up wit my shit..bout how i hate myself & all that shit..i dint hav ne CONFIDENCE in myself what so ever..& u guys just fixed erythin makin me realize all these things ive never realized b4..MAN I LOVE YOU GUYSS SOOO MUCH!!! you dunno ! haahha U GUYS ARE LIKE MY FAMILIA!! ahahah mOooAaaHh mOOooaaaaaaaaHhhh

i feel like i did suin wrong..i feel like im a dyam disgrace ta ery1..i get quiet  & think in my mind..thoughts i have never thot of before..i hide my feelings..& xpress what i really want to feel..

all i want is someone who will always be there for me..wenever i need them..someone who will never turn on me..or make me feel like a FUCKEN OUTCAST..or a FUCKEN LOSER..i js wish there was someone who understands me..and what im going through..ive been going through this shit for toO long now..im losing my mind..cant you see? that i really need that special person..a frend to js be there for me right now every step of the way.. cuz i kno im always there for everyone..wenever they need me..im there 24/7..but no1 ever returns the favor bak to me..what did i do wrong? cuz i really feel like i did suin wrong..i feel so guilty..for nothing..nothing at all..

im in a dark hole..all by myself..falling so far and so deep..no one in the world can catch me..

...IM LOSING MY FUCKEN MIND...